Ice, Wine and Painkillers Equals Profile

For at least one site, my online dating profile came about in a very random way.  A year after leaving upstate New York, I was stuck back for a job in the city where I went to law school.  In reconnecting with old friends, I attended a softball game that a couple of my girlfriends were playing in.  I ran into Marie, and by the end of the game, we were off to grab some dinner and hang out at her house.  The idea of online dating had been playing in my head (I needed something to do when I wasn't working), but I didn't take any action until later that night. 

Sitting at her dining room table, with her roommate nursing a black eye with ice and painkillers (from softball, not dating) and some of us nursing (or attacking) a bottle of wine, they persuaded me to allow them to create an my online profile on POF and thus my online dating journey had begun again.

The thing you have to understand about my girlfriends is that they enjoy nothing more than a good lie.  We're talking about women who amuse themselves at bars by telling guys that they are lumberjacks and extolling the virtues of the “lumberjack lifestyle”.  Left up to them I would be a crewmember on crab boat in the Bering Sea or an accomplished entrepreneur who recently capitalized on selling premium lobster semen to haute cuisine restaurants.  Either way, their profile ideas would require a lengthy backstory and let's face it, I didn't want to work that hard.  In the end, we decided to try something novel in online dating- telling the truth.

My original (truthful) profile garnered a fair amount of attention from exactly the type of man I DID NOT want (No matter how much I told them I wasn't interested, geriatric men from Schenectady just wanted to eat me up…)  I reviewed my profile to see if maybe my friends had put a surprise in there to mess with me (like listing my hobbies as nymphomania, interests as balding men, or listing a steadfast belief that panties should never be worn on a first date).  But no, lo and behold, there I was: a 5'9", Black, Single, Lawyer. 

Based on the quality of the responses, I gave up on POF for a while. I had a huge case I was working on, and since the only people who wanted to talk to me were closer in age to my parents than me, I didn't think that I was missing much.  When I finally rejoined a year later, things finally started looking up (at least for a while…)

In the Beginning...

My foray into online dating actually started while I was still in law school.  Back then, I spent a lot of time with my two closest friends at the time, Andrew** and Dwayne**.  I thought nothing of heading out to local bars, clubs, movie theaters and restaurants with them.   I thought nothing of us driving each other's cars if we needed to, having keys to each other's apartments, discussing plans for a dinner and a movie on a Friday night, or having a standing takeout order at my favorite chinese place.  I thought, that is what friends do. 

Well, it turns out it doesn't matter what I thought.  Other folks thought different.  Other folks, including but not limited to, our classmates, our professors, our neighbors, some family members, the bartenders and waitstaff at our favorite bar, and probably most importantly (at least for purposes of this blog) all the men that I encountered during those outings, thought I was off the market.  Turned out that whereas I saw good friends, carpooling/DDing and just spending time together, other folks saw boyfriend and girlfriend out on a date.  Thinking back, I don't think I can blame them.  A guy and girl, with no indication of a familial relationship, almost always arriving/leaving together, discussing plans for dinner and a movie on a regular basis or exchanging keys with updates on what the mechanic had to say about your car, could very well be in a relationship.  Unfortunately at the time, I was blissfully unaware that I was shooting myself in the proverbial dating foot.

Anywho, since I wasn't meeting "Mr. Right" or "Mr. Right Now" in any of the places I frequented, I decided to try online dating.  That didn't last very long.  A combination of a lack of interest on my part to actually pursue anything and a lack of time, being that I was in law school at the time, led to one failed 6 month round at Match.com.   After that, I got rid of my membership, packed up my profile and put dating on the back burner so I could focus on more important things: passing the bar exam and starting my career.  It wasn't until I was admitted and working full-time that I decided to stick my toe back into the dating pool.  A year and a half later, at the suggestion of my officemate and the urgings of my friends, this blog was born.

**Names have been changed to protect the innocent.