By now, I have established that I am SHALLOW. I want to be more oped-minded, but really, the heart wants what the heart wants, and I want someone tall, handsome, funny, smart... AND more recently, and lately most importantly, no speech impediments. By now, we all know the story, I meet a guy on POF. He's cute, taller than me (but not my height ideal), meteorologist. We exchange emails for a bit and then meet up for drinks. The date starts off normal enough, we're at a wine bar, it's kinda loud, so I can't really hear him all that well, but I detect something is off. A few minutes into the date, I ask him what his job actually is. It seemed that the dating god has quite the sense of humor because at that very moment, there seemed to be a lull in every other conversation going on in the place, and he responds, "I'm a meteowaulogist for a pwivate waeva commpany.".
Wait, what? Does this guy actually sound like Elmer Fudd? I've heard of terrible lisps, but outside of Elmer Fudd on cartoons, Kripke on The Big Bang Theory, and this guy I went to law school with, I didn't know adults actually sounded like that. It took every adult bone in my body, not to burst out laughing, pull out my phone and call my friend Chatt a/k/a the queen of disliking speech impediments. I somehow refrained from excusing myself to go to bathroom and then sneaking out. I attempt to tune out his outrageously funny voice and actually ended up having a fairly decent time. At the end of the date, we made plans to meet up on the weekend.
Maybe, if I try really hard, I can pretend that he just has a really bad accent. I know a ton of people with wretched accents (EVERYONE FROM BOSTON), but even I have to admit that Boston accents are more pleasing than his lisp. And not to be too judgy, but I had a lisp. It was pretty bad. My aunt used to call me in South America, from Tennessee, to tell her friends "Stop Fussing and Fighting", but my lisp turned all S's to K's. It seems that a 2 year-old offering the sage advice of "Stop Fucking and Fighting", was HILARIOUS. I would have likely continued on that path had my parents and cousins not worked with me and gotten me speech therapy to correct the issue. Where were his parents with the speech therapist and even if they didn't help him then, he has to know that he sounds like a cartoon character. As an adult, he doesn't want to do something about that?!
I kid thee not!
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